Elephants.

Did you know that duel core processors come from elephants?

It's true. what you do is, right, take your elephant. It has to be a bull elephant, the hormones in the cows mess things right up, and the Bull has to be over three years of age, otherwise there is not enough magic smoke accumulated the the body of the bull. (by the by, I am still talking about elephants. Males and females are the same as cattle.)

So, You have your three year+ old bull, and you get a dirty great syringe One of the really really HUGE ones. It helps if you have a fairly fat elephant, because there is then a layer of fat between the epidermis and the muscle of the 'phant. This helps because the stuff you're after is much the same colour as the muscle but, is situated right underneath the epidermis. It also has some very strange properties wherein if you apply pressure to it, it turns into a liquid: kinda a reverse non-neutonian solid.

So you've got this odd liquid. About 5 ccs is enough for one processor here. Now you need to centrifuge it at about 14000 gravities for twenty-six hours.

The liquid will have separated into three distinct bands. the upper layer, about one cc, will be a straw yellow colour, and it may be cloudy. This is just plasma, carrying nutrients and stuff too and from cells. The bottom layer is about two cc and should be a reddy brown colour. This is the iron that this liquid we want seems to trap Discard it. And there may well be a white pellet in the bottom. This will just be the cells and the organells of the cells. Discard this too. It is the middle layer you want. It is a bright emerald green, which under pressure turns grey. With 5 CCs of starting liquid, you will have about 2ccs of this green liquid left.

So You've separated the liquid you want. now you need to centrifuge it again, for 36 hours and 20,000 gravities. After this you will have a colourless liquid and a grey pellet at the bottom. Discard the liquid.

Put the grey pellet in a mixture of sulphuric acid, iso-propyl alcohol and milk. Ensure the base of the container has the shape of the processor etched into it, and leave.

Eventually all the liquid will evaporate off and you will be left with a hard plasticy shape which you can put through the rest of the processes a processor goes through to become a processor. Magic, if you ask me...

And you thought that elephants were becoming extinct because of the ivory trade.