Elephants.

Did you know that duel core processors come from elephants?

It's true. what you do is, right, take your elephant. It has to be a bull elephant, the hormones in the cows mess things right up, and the Bull has to be over three years of age, otherwise there is not enough magic smoke accumulated the the body of the bull. (by the by, I am still talking about elephants. Males and females are the same as cattle.)

So, You have your three year+ old bull, and you get a dirty great syringe One of the really really HUGE ones. It helps if you have a fairly fat elephant, because there is then a layer of fat between the epidermis and the muscle of the 'phant. This helps because the stuff you're after is much the same colour as the muscle but, is situated right underneath the epidermis. It also has some very strange properties wherein if you apply pressure to it, it turns into a liquid: kinda a reverse non-neutonian solid.

So you've got this odd liquid. About 5 ccs is enough for one processor here. Now you need to centrifuge it at about 14000 gravities for twenty-six hours.

The liquid will have separated into three distinct bands. the upper layer, about one cc, will be a straw yellow colour, and it may be cloudy. This is just plasma, carrying nutrients and stuff too and from cells. The bottom layer is about two cc and should be a reddy brown colour. This is the iron that this liquid we want seems to trap Discard it. And there may well be a white pellet in the bottom. This will just be the cells and the organells of the cells. Discard this too. It is the middle layer you want. It is a bright emerald green, which under pressure turns grey. With 5 CCs of starting liquid, you will have about 2ccs of this green liquid left.

So You've separated the liquid you want. now you need to centrifuge it again, for 36 hours and 20,000 gravities. After this you will have a colourless liquid and a grey pellet at the bottom. Discard the liquid.

Put the grey pellet in a mixture of sulphuric acid, iso-propyl alcohol and milk. Ensure the base of the container has the shape of the processor etched into it, and leave.

Eventually all the liquid will evaporate off and you will be left with a hard plasticy shape which you can put through the rest of the processes a processor goes through to become a processor. Magic, if you ask me...

And you thought that elephants were becoming extinct because of the ivory trade.

The productivity of moaning.

Company is a funny thing. Sometimes you crave it and other times you really really don't. Sometimes all you want is to be left alone to do your own thing in your own way at you own pace.

I have just shifted labs at my placement. I have gone from the biggest lab in the building, where we used a good three quarters of it to one maybe a quarter of the size. I had only just gotten used to where everything was: we moved there so our fume cupboard could be replaced, and now, having to find where everything is again and spending what feels like half my time apologising for getting in the way of the other people in the lab. Thing is, I hadn't realised just how much time I spent distancing myself from the rest of the lab: I would move to the furthest bench to do my work, and usually end up with my back to them all whilst I worked.

Thing is, in the new lab I physically can't. And I'm becoming more and more aware that I'm having to stop short of biting the heads off the other two placement students.

Don't get me wrong, I'm managing, most of the time, but sometimes it is hard. And when I'm not concentrating so hard that if I so much as think something else I'll lose count of the colonies on my plate and have to start again, I'm more than willing to interact with the others, help them out if they need it, and hold conversations with them (today it was history and the feasibility of empires)

How do teachers cope having to give all of their attention to twenty-five plus students at a time? I couldn't do it. I'm glad I recognise that now though, at one point I was thinking of going into teaching.

Why am I so antisocial at work? Maybe part of the reason is that we have moved and I'm having to re-adjust to where everything is and whats going on. Another part of it may well be that work has picked up and we're getting more jobs in more often now, and I'm more likely to be leaving at half five, six or even later than half two/ three o clock.

I think that the two have combined to feel like I've started a new job, and everything is all a little bit new and overwhelming again. Maybe when I've settled down in the lab I'm working in for the rest of the year it will get better.

And I'll stop being such a grumpy cow. And I'll not be so tired that I want to come in from work and curl up and sleep straight away, and actually be able to do something with my evenings.

I can always hope...

Realistically, work isn't so bad. I'm enjoying it, and my supervisor isn't constantly on my back about every little thing. I just didn't realise I was so set in my ways. And that changing them would be so hard.

This post has turned into one giant moan. but I'm thinking clearer and feel more relaxed, so it was a productive moan. And it is the weekend. and I'm running the first session of my game come Sunday. I'm certainly looking forward to that. Spirit of the Century is full of shiny win.

I'll leave you with the thought that I have just looked up and seen AIDS, Ebola virus and Algal Scum staring at me from the mantle piece. And I think Ebola just waved.