Thursday 28 October 2010

So, I was meandering around my dashboard just now and noticed that I have more followers that I used to. And some of you, I don't even know IRL. So thanks. That was a happy moment.

Those of you that know me know that I've been trying to lose weight for a variety of reasons, both health and personal vanity. I am pre-diabetic, which is basically a resistance to insulin and thus raised glucose levels. Losing weight can hopfully sort that out and all the other hormone problems I have at the same time. Vanity wise, I'm getting married in a couple of years (31 months!) and I want to look good for the wedding. But I have a problem with scales.

Mostly, they don't go upto my weight. I have looked everywhere, and the only ones I can find are £60+ and I just can't afford it. So all I have to go on is the fact that I feel slimmer. And that depends entirely on how cheerful I feel at the time.

But recently I have started a weightloss program with Kirklees weight management service where I attend a weekely meeting about trying to get into better eating pattens and control what I eat rather than lose weight, although that is in the long run what the goal is. The thing is, they do have scales that go upto my weight. Which means that I can actually see my weight change week to week. For nothing else, being able to see I'm losing weight, and knowing what I did right or even the opposite is a relief.

There is nothing more depressing than trying to lose weight and not knowing if you are succeding. You just give up, because there is no proof that it is working and well, whats the point anyway? Then you comfort eat and then you feel bad about it, and thats one of the comfort eating triggers so you eat more. Eventually, you just get depressed and stop even caring about uni, or your hobbies. There have been days where I've just stayed in bed and stared at the ceiling, because I don't even want to read.

So yes, recently I've been losing weight and knowing I have been and I've been reading more and knitting again (I will master those circular knitting needles) and actually enjoying the company of my friends. And I've only just realised that I have been depressed, albeit mildly. It is so much harder to see from the inside. I'm just glad things are looking up. I need to be interested in working this year. Thats quite critical to my plans afterwards.

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