I have decided that our country, glorious or not as the case may be, does not, despite evidence displayed every sunny day, run on warmth and the energy of the sun. Neither can it be run on chocolate, although there are certain females I know that would protest otherwise. So is it fuel? Oil? That's what we joined the war in Iraq for, isn't it? Well, nope, it isn't that either. I have come to the realisation, having followed in the footsteps of many who have gone before me, That our country is run on paperwork.
More precisely on the anger, annoyance and despair generated by those unfortunates trapped inside with a pen and a sheaf of paper in front of them. They say that everything has it's own level of vibration. colour, noise, radiation. So why not emotions?
Of course, different emotions would clearly emote on different wavelengths, so happiness and joy would broadcast on a much lighter wavelength, not packing as much punch, and so it is harder to get so much energy out of them. The darker emotions however, these are much heftier, and the amount of energy that can be garnered from them is somewhere in the region of 4 to 5 times more than those of the happier emotions.
And how do the government receive that energy? Like so much else, circles. Those giant radio microscopes on Jodrell bank (As an aside, my spell checker is insistent that Jodrell is in reality Scoundrelly) are actually emotion receivers, aided and abetted by satellite dishes everywhere.
More precisely on the anger, annoyance and despair generated by those unfortunates trapped inside with a pen and a sheaf of paper in front of them. They say that everything has it's own level of vibration. colour, noise, radiation. So why not emotions?
Of course, different emotions would clearly emote on different wavelengths, so happiness and joy would broadcast on a much lighter wavelength, not packing as much punch, and so it is harder to get so much energy out of them. The darker emotions however, these are much heftier, and the amount of energy that can be garnered from them is somewhere in the region of 4 to 5 times more than those of the happier emotions.
And how do the government receive that energy? Like so much else, circles. Those giant radio microscopes on Jodrell bank (As an aside, my spell checker is insistent that Jodrell is in reality Scoundrelly) are actually emotion receivers, aided and abetted by satellite dishes everywhere.
They are also helped by the florist industry. How? Well, many flowers are the perfect shape to reflect small amounts of negative energy out of the home, and towards the nearest government receiver. Not only that, but when the finally die and have to be chucked, how many people aren't just a little bit upset that such pretty flowers are having to be chucked away, thus aiding the energy gain.
When the energy is received, it is sorted through a series of transducers, much like solar energy is and sent into the main grid. But that's the negative emotions. Surely if they are good for paperwork, the positive emotions have a place too?
They have. Ever felt so happy you could fly? Well time was you could. Witches on broomsticks and all that palaver. (Ask me someday and I may tell you the true reason witches used broomsticks. All I can say is ouch. Splinters.) Then the government realised that the happier emotions could be farmed as well as the darker ones. The Victorians truly were innovative. What did they use them for? Well they coupled them with the electricity gained from the unhappier emotions and then used them for lifts. The cables were just for show. Because if people realised, they would be incensed. There would be riot.
It has turned out, over the years, to be a secret tax. And as technology has progressed, it has been used not just for elevators, but escalators, planes, Anything that requires power to elevate a position. In Grecian times, Archimedes figured it out, hence the Archimedes screw. He wanted a hot bath without carrying it upstairs. It made him very happy, but he never managed to re-create it after the screw. A little boy called Peter figured it out too. And he flew away to a better place, but you all know that story.
This energy is still being collected today, and in it's own way channeled into the grid. But like the NHS, it was last structured in the forties and is trying to cope with over twice the number of people who were around then. So the system needs a restructuring before it can work to the full benefit of all concerned. At the minute, there are loads of little signs that it is giving under the strain. Lifts braking down, escalators stopping for no reason...
There is a whole secret world of emotions out there, and the energy they produce. Let them out, and maybe you won't be stuck in a lift next Tuesday, or find yourself in a power cut on Thursday evening. I know I'd find that preferable. But maybe you like the darkness between the floors?
When the energy is received, it is sorted through a series of transducers, much like solar energy is and sent into the main grid. But that's the negative emotions. Surely if they are good for paperwork, the positive emotions have a place too?
They have. Ever felt so happy you could fly? Well time was you could. Witches on broomsticks and all that palaver. (Ask me someday and I may tell you the true reason witches used broomsticks. All I can say is ouch. Splinters.) Then the government realised that the happier emotions could be farmed as well as the darker ones. The Victorians truly were innovative. What did they use them for? Well they coupled them with the electricity gained from the unhappier emotions and then used them for lifts. The cables were just for show. Because if people realised, they would be incensed. There would be riot.
It has turned out, over the years, to be a secret tax. And as technology has progressed, it has been used not just for elevators, but escalators, planes, Anything that requires power to elevate a position. In Grecian times, Archimedes figured it out, hence the Archimedes screw. He wanted a hot bath without carrying it upstairs. It made him very happy, but he never managed to re-create it after the screw. A little boy called Peter figured it out too. And he flew away to a better place, but you all know that story.
This energy is still being collected today, and in it's own way channeled into the grid. But like the NHS, it was last structured in the forties and is trying to cope with over twice the number of people who were around then. So the system needs a restructuring before it can work to the full benefit of all concerned. At the minute, there are loads of little signs that it is giving under the strain. Lifts braking down, escalators stopping for no reason...
There is a whole secret world of emotions out there, and the energy they produce. Let them out, and maybe you won't be stuck in a lift next Tuesday, or find yourself in a power cut on Thursday evening. I know I'd find that preferable. But maybe you like the darkness between the floors?
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